The Voices In My Head

Voice 1: I have to go to sleep, tomorrow is my one day of classes and I still need to finish one book and read an article for Theory. And we have that extra seminar, so sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep.
Voice 2: Yeah yeah, but what about the damp in my room? And where will I move what piece of furniture to and what if the damp never goes away and what if they won't give me a de-humidifier and what if I die of damp and what if I will never be able to sleep ever again because of my worrying, and also, I am pretty sure my period is starting so I will feel crappy anyways tomorrow so is it really worth sleeping at all?
Voice 1: Yes. Yes it is. Go to sleep. Get some rest. All will be okay, and if not, I can worry about it Thursday, when I actually have time to worry. Calm down and go to sleep.
Voice 3: Yeah, and get off the computer, idiot!!! That's not going to help the whole getting to sleep thing!
Voice 2: But... the worrying won't stop! It is never going to stop ever again, and I can't think of any nice stories to distract myself.
Voice 1: I worry too much.
Voice 2: I know, but I can't stop!
Voice 3: I could be practical about it and STOP WRITING THIS DAMN POST AND GO BACK TO BED!
Voice 2: What's the fun in that? Anyways, I would just worry some more.
Voice 1: Go. To. Sleep.
Voice 2: I. Can't. Stop. Worrying.
Voice 3: Get. Off. The. Damn. Computer.
Voice 4: Can everyone just SHUT UP so I can go to sleep???????!!!!!!!

More Blegh

Today I slept in until 10 because I was still very tired when the alarm clock went at half past 7. I now realise I have a cold, yay. Stupid having the heaters on! The wall under my window is not dripping wet though, so I guess it is helping. My stepmother said you can refuse to pay the rent with problems like this, but my housemate, who is experienced in making the University do things, says to demand they pay for a dehumidifier. Awesome, I might just do that!
Now I will go an have orange juice (and scrambled eggs, but I doubt they help with a cold).

I Feel Deflated

In the name of extreme helpfulness, two men just came to my room with a huge dismantled bookcase. Never mind that I was assured they would come towards the end of the week, giving me time to actually change around my room completely while still being able to do my work for Wednesday. I know it is all meant well and I do appreciate it, but still, I feel like crying.
I might just eat that chocolate Mr. G. left behind...
(The men, by the way, have left the bits of wardrobe behind and are coming back Thursday to put it together for me)

Update On The Damp

As I came back from my trip to the post office, the woman in charge of off-site housing and some man in an official-looking fleece were standing in front of my house looking lost. As I walked past because they didn't react to my surprised greeting (I had said in my email I would be in from 3pm onwards), the woman woke up and asked if they could come in with me. They had been in my room already and turned on the heating full blast (it is now on a medium setting), and wiped all the gunk off my walls.
I talked to them for a while and the outcome of our conversation was the following:
- I need to keep my heating on to keep air circulation going
- I need to change my furniture around so there's nothing up against outside walls
- I am getting a bookcase (this was the most exciting bit of the talk for me)
And I found out the following:
- The fleece man has more sense than the woman in charge of my house, as she wanted me to move almost everything in my room, whereas he suggested I swap my chest of drawers and bed and be done with it.
- The woman in charge of my house is not evil.
- Fleece man is nice and will deliver my bookcase at the end of the week.
So let's hope that
1) I will still be able to move around my room with my bed sticking out from the wall.
2) I won't fall out of my bed while sleeping.
3) The damp will go away.
4) The fleece man is as nice as he seems and brings me my (ugly-sounding but I don't care) bookcase soon!!

Oh, and the woman in the post office is still crazy. I think she deserves a post of her own some time soon.

Happy VS Unhappy

Things I am happy about:
- I had a lovely weekend with Mr. G.
- My new rose is doing extremely well (the old one died from too much water).
- I am seeing a friend I haven't seen in a while this weekend.
- The book I am reading for my course is actually entertaining.
- I have speakers for my laptop.
- My new Johnny Cash CDs are really good.

Things I am unhappy about:
- Three more weeks until I see Mr. G. again.
- I haven't been able to find a nice pair of glasses I can afford.
- Live Messenger is not working. Again.
- My room is incredibly humid, which not only means the two outside walls are actually wet and dripping and, in the case of the wall my bed is along, covered in wet dust and ick, but also that my windows are dripping onto the window sill. My books are kept in piles under the window sills, so not only do they get wet from the wall, but they also get dripped on. Yay! I have moved everything and written and angry email, but I doubt there is anything they can (or will be willing to) do.

Update On My Clever Little Brother

His Cambridge interview is on the 11th of December, and he's also going to visit Imperial College around that time because they gave him an offer!! You can guess how proud I am feeling, but you won't come very close!! Hope you will all send him some good thoughts, he deserves the best, my little brother does!

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

My msn wasn't working so I thought I'd be clever and install Live Messenger instead. That now isn't working either. And neither is something that my computer needs to show me the full joy of gmail. It has something to do with my firewall (or something. I dunno, security) but as I haven't changed anything, I am confused. And it doesn't help that I know nothing about computers. Grrrrrrrr.

My Weekend

On Friday I went to visit the Lovely Leni in Derby. It was great to see her again, and to finally see her new (well, new to me) house. We did all the good things; we went to an Ember Inn and had Chicken and Bacon Club Sandwiches, we spent about 3.5 hours in Primark (I only spent £15 and most of that on pyjamas), and we had some awesome Italian food. Then we had some more Chicken and Bacon Club Sandwiches, and then I had to go home...
My train back to Reading came through Coventry, so I decided to give Mr. G. a call to see if he was busy and he was, but I went to see him anyways. We had a really good time but I was feeling guilty about my course work so I went back home Monday evening. I also had lunch with the Wench on Monday while Mr. G. was at Uni, and it was good to see her again. All in all, I had a friends-filled weekend, but the best thing was this:


Back to work now! Have a nice week, all of youse.

What The Hell Is Going On?

I am up. It is almost 1 am and I am sat at my computer writing this post. For the last week, I have not been able to fall asleep and it's pissing me off. I actually have to get up on time tomorrow morning (which is technically today and in 7 hours) and I need to sleep!!! There's no traffic to keep me awake, no neighbours partying and I am not ill. I am actually very tired (this has been going on since Monday) and I WANT TO SLEEP!!!
RAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGH!!!!! And I don't even have Mr. G. to talk to because he needs to get up in 4 hours to catch a plane, so he's, guess what, asleep!!! Oh no, he's just signed in on msn, turns out neither of us can sleep!!
The world sucks, but at least someone shares my pain... heh.

All Hail The Cambridge Interviewee

No, not me. My little brother!! Let's all send him good thoughts! He hasn't told me when the interview is, but hey, a bit of good-thought-sending never goes amiss!!

My Ideal Man

Some of you might not know him, but Lucky Luke, the cowboy who can shoot faster than his shadow, has been my ideal man for a long time. He's brave, cute, well-dressed and has a trusty steed. What else does a girl need?
I do think his horse, Jolly Jumper, would be jealous of all the attention Lucky Luke would be giving me, and the Dalton brothers might kidnap me every once in a while, but every relationship has its problems...
And of course I would have to make him stop smoking, but other than that, Lucky Luke was, is, and always will be, the perfect man. If only he wasn't a cartoon... Mr. G. would be out of the picture in no time!!

***UPDATE***
My mother has informed me that Lucky Luke has, in fact, already stopped smoking and now sports a bit of straw instead of a cigarette. I guess I should thank whichever EU official came up with that!

So There

To Be Continued...

Of course, Bernard had never meant to become Rubbish Man and doom his relationship with Claire forever. He loved her very much, but after four years of coming second, or even lower down, on the list of priorities in Awesome Lady's busy life, he had had enough. He left her. Or rather, he tried to leave her. But in spite of all his hatred of what she had become, he still loved the tiny part of Awesome Lady that remained hidden to most people.
In order to survive as a superhero, Awesome Lady had all but erased the young woman she used to be. Claire, if ever thought of, was considered by Awesome Lady as a distant memory, nothing important, and definitely an unnecessary part of her personality. To Bernard, however, it had become the only thing in his life worth living for. He didn't like his job (he never managed to finish his chemistry degree) and hated having to appear at public events with Awesome Lady, where everyone ignored him because he was so plain-looking. If people did talk to him it was usually to order drinks, and Bernard had long given up trying to explain he was not a waiter, and usually spent all evening walking to and fro with drinks.
And then there was Brock Supernova. He was the young god of superheroes, and young girls everywhere fell asleep every night thinking of him. Every month another article about the suspected relationship between Awesome Lady and Supernova was published, and every month Bernard grew more and more jealous of the two. He knew Awesome Lady and Brock Supernova were not in love (Brock had a lovely boyfriend who was just as invisible as Bernard, but thankful for it), but the fact that Supernova got to spend more time than Bernard with the woman he loved angered him beyond reason.
So, regardless of the dangers he would be putting Claire and Awesome Lady in, Bernard started to experiment. He still had his textbooks and some good friends left from his time at University, and he set up a laboratory in the shed.

HELP!!

I want to make my blog look nicer. I like this template best for how everything fits on the page, but I am not too sure about the colours.... Sigh.
What's the good of having a designer boyfriend when he's not around to help you make your blog look nicer?

Procrastination Is The New Black

Things I have to do today:

• finish the chapter on Snow White in my Fairy Tale book
• reread three theory articles
• prepare my presentation for next week so I can discuss it with my partner in crime

Things I have done today so far:

• chatted to Mr. G. and The Lovely Leni on msn for about an hour after getting up
• showered, washed my hair and got dressed
• had some really nice breakfast (first, some left over tortelini, then, toast with tomato and goat's cheese)
• walked to campus to return some library books
• bought a cup of tea and a brownie from my favourite cafe on campus
• walked home, had aforementioned tea and brownie. Both were very satisfactory
• listened to some woman on the radio claiming that the world is ruled by women and we should be nice to men. Pah.
• tidied my room a bit
• started this post

I like how the second list is much longer, yet I haven't really done anything all day!

So Far, All Is Good...

Today I read Peter Pan, which is so dull I feel betrayed by everyone who has made me think it is awesome, including (and I know this must be a shock for you) Johnny Depp. There, I said it. Seriously, why is there such a to do about the thing? Maybe the play is good (I will test this as I have the play because I thought we were reading that rather than the book), but the book is dull dull dull. J. M. Barrie, I am sorry to say, was not a good writer.
Once I'd finished that (and had dinner) I was bored. So I thought I'd switch over to Beta Blogger, and change my template! What do you guys think? I really like it, I was getting a bit sick of the dullness (guess what the theme for today is?) and seriousness of the old template. I actually think this template and its colourfulness suits me more, or at least I hope it does. I've been feeling a bit lonely and weird lately, so choosing a more colourful template for my blog is just part of me making myself realising that actually, I am quite a fun person! Hah.
On the schedule for tomorrow is Black Beauty, so I am preparing for another day of dull. I will also have a walk along the lake to make sure I get some fresh air, and dinner will be improvised lasagna as I have no lasagna sheets in spite of going to the shop for them today, and no stuff to make white sauce as my milk went bad and I forgot to buy some more while in aforementioned shop. Fun fun fun!!!
I am getting better at actually cooking meals now, thanks to Mr. G. He is a really good cook and wants me to make nice food for myself, so I am trying... Having an organic veggie and fruit box delivered is also helping, as I have to eat the vegetables or feel really bad about myself. And they put random things in that I would never buy myself, so I need to think about my food more. Although this week they gave me a load of onions, which means I have to 1) use those in my food, something I don't usually do, and 2) deal with the fact that it means less 'real' vegetables this week.
And I've finally found a cheddar I really like, thanks to me having a sandwich at a friend's house on Thursday evening.
That's it for the update of the weekend.

Home Alone

This weekend, for the first time in a long time, I will be all alone, to do as I please. The thing is, I have no idea what to do. I think mainly I will be doing course work, but other than that, I have, literally, no idea. I don't like being alone, which I am sure comes from a long period of not liking myself, and I just don't know what to do.
Tomorrow I am going into town to book an eye test (getting new glasses soon, yay!), and then to asda for food. I tidied and cleaned my room today, as I do every Thursday. That leaves Saturday and Sunday, and then Monday and Tuesday. Except for lunch on Monday, I will be all alone. There will be people around, sure, but no friends or anything. I am scared. What does one do on their own?
Let's just hope the amounts of work I have will keep me busy all weekend.

Insanely Happy Or Just Insane?

Last weekend Mr. G. gave me his old phone. It's not a battered old thing, but a fairly new looking and sooooo pretty (pause to wipe drool off face) Motorola Razr... And he's given me a SIM card with it that will give me free texts and thus save money. I'll let y'all know my new number when my old credit has gone. I would just like to state, once again, that I have the best boyfriend ever... Happy happy happy!!
Today I was phoned for the first time, by Waterstones to say a book I ordered was in. It took me a while, in the strange state between sleep and non-sleep, to understand that it was my phone and not just some random sound. I picked the ringtone myself, but I obviously am not popular enough to have gotten used to it...
Then, later in the day, as I was walking on campus, my insurance man phoned me. I was thinking of fairy tales (as I have been for the last two days), so when I heard the sound of my phone (the ringtone is called 'ambient mood') I actually thought I was being transported into a fairy tale. Seriously, I am not joking, for a few seconds, I actually thought some awesome magical power was summoning me to another realm...

It's up to you guys to decide, but I am beginning to think I am actually going insane.

A Fairy Tale Of Sorts

The prince had travelled for a very long time. He was tired from walking for over a year without company. His horse had been stolen many months ago while he was asleep in a forest, and with the horse he had also lost his change of clothing, most of his food and money, and the greater part of his cheerful disposition. To be quite honest, the prince was now, so near to his goal, more a grumpy, dirty and unshaven man than the handsome, cheerful and clean prince he used to be. He had endured many hardships on his journey and every single wrong turn and night's sleep on the bare soil without dinner had taken something out of him.
His tired eyes looked up at the turret of the castle which he could just about make out through the vast rose bushes covering the palace. He sighed a big sigh, pulled up his trousers (he had long ago sold his belt for food and with all the weight he'd lost the trousers barely fit) and took his dagger out of his right boot. Realising he couldn't hold up his trousers and cut at the rose bushes at the same time, he knotted his trousers as tightly around his waist as he could and walked around the rose bushes, trying to find the part of the wall of roses that was closest to where he guessed the gates of the palace were.
As he started cutting the rose bushes, an old woman walked up, sat down on the ground and started humming. After a few minutes, in which the prince had cut halfway through a branch and had managed to get his arms covered in cuts and blood, the old woman spoke to him. 'Young man,' she said, 'what do you think you are doing?'
The prince, glad to have an excuse to stop torturing himself for the sake of a woman he had never seen, sat down next to the old lady and told her all about the prophecy at his birth and how he had set out on his twenty-first birthday to find the woman he was destined to marry. He told her about the way the rosebushes were supposed to magically open for him to form a path to his beloved, how the castle's inhabitants would be frozen into whatever they were doing when time froze, and how his beloved, having been asleep for a hundred years, would be awakened by the kiss of her true love. He also told her about his journey, and as he had had no one to talk to for a long time and was feeling quite sorry for himself, when he was done talking, he burst out crying.
The old woman said nothing, but embraced the young prince and let him cry until he felt a bit more like himself again. He apologised to the lady and was about to start cutting again, when the old lady stopped him and asked: 'Why don't you come to my house and have a bath and some food before you wake up the princess?' The prince, who was really very tired and hungry, didn't need much convincing and he went with the old lady to her house, which was on the other side of the castle, just outside the rose wall.
The old lady drew the prince a bath and gave him some new, clean clothes. As he was bathing she prepared him a nice dinner, and the prince accidentally cut himself shaving when he smelled the exquisite aromas. When the prince came into the kitchen after his bath and shave, he was almost unrecognisable. After he had his dinner and had sat by the fire for a little while, the prince started to feel like he was his old self again. With his clean clothes, full stomach and content smile he looked and felt much more like a prince than he had when he had first gotten to the palace.
After he'd had a short nap in the easy chair in front of the fire, he told the old woman he was going back to the rose bush. The old woman wished him good luck, but asked; 'could you please do me one favour before you go? I need some more fire wood, but I am too weak to lift the axe.' The prince, who was raised to be kind to older people and pay back kindness, but was also just a nice guy, had no problems doing this for the old woman and he went into her back garden.
As he was chopping the wood for the old woman, he looked up mid-chop and saw the most beautiful woman walking towards him. She came from the forest behind the castle and was carrying a basket filled with food. The woman smiled at the prince and as she came closer, he saw she was the same age as he was, and also that she was obviously related to the old lady. When she was right in front of him she greeted him and asked: ' Where is my great-grandmother?' The prince, almost unable to talk, forgot all about his destiny and the princess sleeping in the turret, and walked into the house with her. All evening the old woman watched the young woman and the prince talking and falling more in love with each word they spoke and each look they exchanged.

On their wedding day, the old lady thought back to the day, long ago, when she had fled her father's palace to be with the man she loved. She smiled as she realised that the prince's destiny had finally been fulfilled.

I Survived The Weekend, Or; I Am Still Insanely Happy

This is the present I made for Mr. G. He loved it and said, and I quote: 'You rock!' His parents are very friendly and, together with his brothers, made me feel very welcome. I met some of the rest of his family too, who were very nice. Believe it or not but I didn't talk much this weekend, so maybe once his parents realise the full extent of my noise skills, they'll stop liking me!!!
Also, spending another weekend with Mr. G. has made me realise how happy he really makes me. We have a lot of similar ideas about what we want our lives to be like, even though we have very different tastes in music and the cats/dogs issue will probably never be resolved!
I don't want to analyse too much right now because I am tired and need to do a lot of work tomorrow, but I just wanted to let y'all know I am still happy and no longer afraid of in-laws!!
Three weeks until we see each other again, sigh...

I Worry Too Much

I am up, cleaned, dressed, brushed, and packed. To be completely honest, I need to put on some socks but my cold feet distract me from the nerves that are upsetting my stomach, and they also form a nice, ehm, I should know this shouldn't I? Simile? I dunno, outside manifestation of what I am feeling inside.
I am meeting Mr. G.'s parents today.
I know that sounds like way too early in the relationship, but it is Mr. G.'s birthday tomorrow, and I was going to go up anyways, so it seems silly not to go just because I'll have to meet his parents. They, apparently, are really looking forward to meeting me, but those of you who know about my past experience of 'parents-in-law' can probably understand my nerves.
And to make things even worse, I was so busy making Mr. G.'s present last night (I know! I will put a picture of it up after the weekend) that I forgot my apple pie that was in the oven. I took off most of the burnt bits and I am taking it anyways because the bottom part of the pie is still okay, but it doesn't feel the same. The strange thing is, having an apple pie with me when I meet new people always makes me feel slightly more confident, because before yesterday, I hadn't really ever messed up a pie.
Anyways, I just wanted to let you know I am extremely nervous... Please think nice thoughts around lunchtime, which is when my train will come in. Hopefully I will also have managed to eat something by then (what doesn't go down, can't come up!!)

Dental Anxiety, Or, Sorry Mama!

Tomorrow morning I have an appointment with the dentist.
I haven't been to a dentist in over three years.
I am very scared of tomorrow morning's appointment.
Before you all start judging me, I would like to state the following, and that is that like any self-respecting 80s kid, I am blaming this gross neglect of dental happiness on my parents.
From when I had teeth until I moved to Germany about 5 years ago, I had the same dentist, Dr. Lie. Dr. Lie was awesome. His wife was his assistant, and they made a dynamite team. I was never afraid of going to the dentist, because I knew and trusted Dr. Lie with my teeth like I'd never trust anyone else with anything.
But then, when I was about 14 years old, I had to have braces. My orthodontist was a German lady and quite nice, but she had the biggest nostrils imaginable, which I was of course always staring into, while being fitted more instruments (and accesories) of torture. Her team was incredibly inept, which meant I sometimes ended up with bits of wire sticking into my cheeks and gums. In case you're wondering: it is not nice to have to ask your mum to use a nailclipper in your mouth because you have a wire sticking into your cheek (and I'm sure my mum wasn't too thrilled about it either). This started my fear of dentists in general, and German dentists in particular.
I moved to Germany, where I went to a dentist (my braces having been removed at this point in time), who started filing my front teeth to make them more symmetrical. I don't even have words for that kind of insanity.
I then had to have two of my wisdom teeth cut out because they were growing horizontally rather than vertically (Paul, if you are reading this, don't read the rest!!). I won't bore/gross you out with the details, but I did not like this experience. I could feel everything being cut and broken, and was actually crying throughout the entire procedure. I then got an infection, which was a nice addition to an already quite traumatic experience.
When all this was over and I moved to England, I somehow just never got around to going to the dentist... So I hope that tomorrow, I will be reasonably cavity-less and not too much yelled at by my new (and hopefully lovely) dentist.
(In case you were wondering: my parents are to blame because they, of course, picked Dr. Lie and the German evil dentists and thus scarred me for life.)

******UPDATE*****

I have 'excellent cleaning' and all my teeth are 'sound'. The receptionist is evil and I had to pay £42.50 to get the wire, which is glued behind my bottom front teeth, reglued to one of those teeth. Haha, I laugh in the face of people who say you should go to the dentist every 6 months. HAHA!! But I promise you I will not let the knowledge that I have excellent cleaning go to my head... too much.