One Down, One To Go.

Essay number one is DONE!! (All: WOOHOOO!! PARTAY!!!)
And my poster came today! Good times, good times.

Today is a Good Day

Because I only have about 950 words to go for my essay (and I never actually thought that would happen) and I just watched my neighbour attempt to cut his jungle-like lawn with an edge strimmer, hah!!! He's stopped now, because even he could see it wasn't really gonna happen.
It's quite scary how working in a DIY shop has actually improved my knowledge of DIY gardening. But it was quite dire before, to be fair.

What Gender Is Your Mouth?

I now have about 2000 words for my essay (only 3000 to go, ugh) and things are looking okay! I am so looking forward to next week Friday when I can hand in both FINISHED essays and never ever do anything to do with grown-up literature EVER again. Although most of my friends in the course have admitted to planning lots of reading in the holiday, and I think I, too, will be geeky and read lots and lots in the summer.
P.S.: the answer to the question is: depends on whether you are a vampire or not....

The Shower of Epiphanies

I am not having a very good day today. I had to be at work at 9 (I usually start at 10) because yesterday the computer system I do most of my work on was down. When I asked my Store Manager whether he knew what was wrong with it, he phoned another Store Manager and it turned out all Managers had got an email about the system being down because of maintenance work, but he hadn't read his so he hadn't told me about it...
So I had to go home without having actually done the most important bit of my job, and today I had to do two days' work in one. It then turned out Saturday's sales figures hadn't got through to the system yet, so I had to leave some work (including printing out a 70 page report) for the woman who is in on Monday. I wasn't too upset by this, because I had a nice lunch at work chatting to some of the guys, but it is quite annoying that I was at work for 8 hours this weekend without having really finished anything...
I had to walk home through the rain, and for some reason the buttons at the traffic lights did not work so I had to wait for all the cars to pass (took about 5 minutes) and dodge some trucks, which was not fun.
When I got home I was going to have a shower, but while I was checking my email, my father phoned and we talked for about 15 minutes, after which I took a shower. And during the shower (I washed my hair three times, so it was a long shower) I had a few epiphanies, two of which I will discuss here.
I have never really written anything very personal about what has happened to me in this blog, because I always feel a bit weird putting all of it on the internet. But in the Shower of Epiphanies I realised that the 4 or 5 people who read this blog already know most of it anyways, so I am going to write exactly how I feel and what I am thinking about.
During the 15 minutes I was on the phone with my father, he managed to talk about exams (to ask how they went), my essays, my summer job, the lecturer's strike, the effects it may have on my admission to Reading, my younger brother's end of year exams, his work, and my older brother's 'situation'.
My brother and his then girlfriend had a son in February. It was an unplanned pregnancy and they broke up a few months ago, so my family's sole topic of discussion lately is my brother's 'situation'. When I was in Holland in April, I talked to most of my family, and they all had a different opinion and all wanted to talk about it. Well, my father's side of the family was a bit more vocal about it than my mother's side, or maybe they (my mother's family, who I celebrated my birthday with) just didn't want to ruin my birthday, I don't really know. But when I talked to my father's parents almost all we talked about for the whole afternoon was my brother and his ex and her mother and how everyone was either being a bit stupid, evil or actually the spawn of Satan (not that my grandparents believe in God).
And ever since about September last year, whenever I talk to my father, the conversation ends with a long discussion of my brother and what he should and shouldn't do and what my father thinks of him. Now, don't get me wrong, I care about my brother and wish we were closer so I could talk to him about all this, but we aren't and to be honest I don't think he needs even more people with a constant need to tell him their opinion of him. So, I have decided to let it all take its course, and if and when I get to see my nephew I will just love him and be there for him and my brother if they need me. This decision and the fact that I talk to my brother maybe once or twice a year makes the conversations with my dad quite one-sided, because he just talks and talks and I sit there and say 'hmhm' or 'yes' or 'I don't really know, I never talk to him'.
However, I have lately become quite annoyed with the fact that all my father/family talks to me about is my University work and my brother's 'situation'. I feel a bit like an Agony Aunt without the ability to give advice, and this leads me to feel quite detached from my family. They don't know what my life is like, and I only hear about what everyone thinks of my brother. I wish we could just let everyone lead their lives and move on with our own, which leads me to my next epiphany.
I was also thinking in the shower that what I would really like is to have a boyfriend so he can cuddle me and tell me everything will be okay (and make me a lovely dinner and find my socks for me. Seriously, I have no idea where they have all gone), but I don't, so I will have to do it myself (the dinner making, the cuddling might proof difficult).
Lately I have been thinking a lot about how much I would like there to be someone special in my life, which at the same time is really annoying me. And I realised (still in the shower, I told you it was a long one) that the reason I get annoyed with myself for wanting a boyfriend is because I want to be able to live my life on my own. This, I realised, is what being a grown-up is all about: not about staying up as late as you want and paying bills, but the ability to live with yourself and no one else. I don't really like being alone; I talk a lot and don't like it when people have to go, because then I don't have anyone to talk to (I used to talk to the things in my room but don't anymore, which I've decided to see as a good thing).
So after all the counselling I have gone through, which has really helped me and made me believe in myself a lot more, I am still not really happy with being on my own, and that really bugs me. I know that I am still going through a process and probably will for most of my life, but I always want things to be done right now, and it's just not gonna happen...
But at least my hair is clean.

You Don't Have To Read This

I just thought it would be fun for me to do, really, ignore it if you want.

I AM: quite scared that one day Big Brother will be the only form of 'entertainment' left.

I WANT: the university lecturers' strike to end so I can get an actual degree, no matter how many advantages getting an unclassified degree might have at the moment.

I WISH: summer was over and I was settled in Reading.

I HATE: My Line Manager and Big Brother (makes me ashamed of being Dutch. Damn Endemol).

I MISS: My family. A lot.

I HEAR: Johnny Cash and birds singing.

I WONDER: Whether God really exists and what religion/cult he agrees with (wouldn't it be funny if it was Scientology?)

I REGRET: Telling this one guy how much I really liked him when we probably could have stayed good friends if I hadn't.

I AM NOT: Brave.

I DANCE: When drunk or just out of the shower in my room.

I SING: Almost all the time.

I CRY: When watching (preferably not very good) films with happy endings. I am sure it is just a phase.

I AM NOT ALWAYS: As nice as I would like to be.

I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: Ehm, apple pies?

I WRITE: Rubbish essays and exams, lately.

I CONFUSE: Other people by expressing my strange thoughts.

I NEED: A holiday.

I SHOULD: Be reading 'The Picture of Dorian Grey'.

I START: A full-time job in Smellington in June.

I FINISH: My degree in two weeks!!!

I Have Lost It!

My Ebay virginity, that is, by buying this poster:

I have wanted it for quite a long time, and because I haven't got enough money to buy myself a proper 'end of exams' present, I thought this would be a good (and reasonably cheap) way of rewarding myself. Also, one of my friends pre-ordered the 'Walk the Line' 2-disc dvd set for my birthday which will arrive next week (but I will try not to watch it until I have handed in my essays on the 2nd of June), so I am all Johnny Cashed up, in spite of, as the wench put it, having no cash for Cash. (Don't blame me for the bad pun!!)
In other news: I am having problems concentrating on my work, which sucks because I really have to get these essays done (in spite of apparently getting an unclassified degree because of the strike). Anyone got any suggestions for concentration boosts? The stick figures won't help in this case, unfortunately...
Have a nice weekend, y'all, I will find out whether I get my fulltime job tomorrow!!

Merel = Happy

Because her last exam is OVER!!!! Today I have done mainly nothing, yay! Just wanted to let you guys know how happy I am, bye bye now, will write when I have something (mildly)interesting to say.

My First and Penultimate Exam and How To Celebrate

Hello everyone!!!!!!
I am very happy because my first exam is over and now I can actually see the light at the end of the tunnel! It went okay, but that is not the important news: the important news is that if my first exam is over now, my second (and last, ever!!!) exam has the possibility of being over soon, as well! Which is very good, because I am fed up with all this nonsense.
In other (but somewhat related) news, I have decided I want this awesome Domo Kun hoodie I've seen, but I haven't got the money! So, if you feel generous and wanna give me an AWESOME 'yay-your-exams-are-over' present, look for 'domo kun hoodie' on google and buy me a large one. The hoodie is basically just brown with his mouth and eyes on it, but it is awesome. A cuddly Domo Kun toy will also be acceptable, if not themed in any way but just him!
Or you can just make me wait till I get my fulltime job at Homebase and can afford one myself. But what would be the fun in that?
I was going to put a picture of Domo Kun right here, but it is taking too long to upload so I won't.

Some good, some bad.

I have finished my revision for today and have decided to not do extra work because, well, I don't want to. European Theatre revision turned out to be much less stressful than Shakespeare, although I have no clue how I will do in the exams. Not that it matters because the tutors are on strike and probably won't mark any of them, so we are doing work for nothing. At least I have the dubious pleasure of knowing that the two essays I am writing after my exams will be marked because the tutors for those two modules are not in the union...
So, today was a strange day. I got up at 7, did some work on 'Life is a dream', 'Tartuffe' and 'Three Sisters', and then felt so sleepy I decided to take a nap. I dreamt I was at a party in a huge house on the beach where I lived with my entire family, which was made up entirely of famous people. All of a sudden there was a lion scare, so I went to the garage where two Adrien Brodys were closing metal shutters and loading their guns. I hooked up with one of them after he had opened the shutters for me at the danger of being killed by lions (which were nowhere to be seen), and then the scene changed and I was married to Captain Fuller from '21 Jump Street'. I was trying to make sense of this while still being half asleep when someone started mowing the grass VERY LOUDLY. It turned out to be my landlord in my garden, so I decided to have lunch and do some more work, which I am now done with.
The only other thing I have to say is that there are way too few summaries of european plays on the net for free. And why does sparknotes have a summary of Beckett's 'Endgame' but not of 'Waiting for Godot'? Not that I am complaining, mind, as I have to revise 'Endgame'. Well, I am complaining because I hate Beckett but still have to revise him in case I can say something sensible about him in the exam (not likely).
Anyways, I will release you from my ranting and finish by saying my mum sent me an AWESOME card yesterday, in reply to the Edward Monkton card I sent her last week.
(Oh, in case you were wondering; the card and the Adrien Brody snog were the good, all else the bad, but you really shouldn't have wondered because that was quite obvious)

Bloody Tuesday

It is over! I have cramp in my hands, the top of my right-hand middle finger has more ink than skin visible and hurts, my neck and shoulders hurt and I am tired, but the first day of intense revision is over! And it feels good. I only have a little bit of The Winter's Tale left to do (but that's only because Antony and Cleopatra is stupidly long and took me 3.5 hours), so I think I feel justified in watching one episode of '21 Jump Street' before going to bed. I think it is all my brain can handle right now anyways, my drawings were becoming simpler and with less words as I continued through The Merchant of Venice...
Goodnight all.
(How on earth did I get red and purple ink on the palm of my right hand? So strange...)

Update on my revision

Before I go to bed, I want to leave you with these pictures. Just to make sure you don't think I am insane, the pictures are just to refresh my memory, not real presentations of Shakespeare's language (or drawing skills, haha). Goodnight all.

For the sceptical among you

Just to show my unbelieving readers that I am working on revision. My counseller helped me find a fun way of revising (really, making the schedule was fun enough for me) as I only have one week left and am slightly scared. It's all good, tho, I will survive... I love my counseller, she's great. The empty spaces on Thursday and Friday will be filled by tonight, when I will have planned my revision for European Theatre. I will also post some pics of my lovely 'As You Like It' pictures later on, believe me, they are awesomely artistic. The grey areas are mainly spaces for domestic stuff or mini breaks, and notice I only have one hour of free time during the weekdays? Poor me. Boohoo.

A Little Rant About My New Manager.

One of the reasons I am so happy I am moving to Reading in October is that I won't have to go to work every weekend anymore. My father doesn't want me to have a job while I do my MA (and I'm not going to argue), and also, it would be quite hard to commute to Coventry just for a crappy job in the Cash Office of *insert well-known DIY shop here*. The reasons I hate my job are manifold, but the main reason is quite recent.
I have a new line manager. When our old Store Manager (he was harsh but fair and the only superior to ever apologise to me) left and the Senior Sales Manager took his place (she's rubbish, but let's not discuss more than one crappy manager at once), a new Senior Sales Manager arrived. His name was Roger. He was a complete idiot. Seriously, I could have done his job better without any training at all, even if I hadn't finished secondary school. So, because he wasn't very good at his job, they took half of it away and gave it to Kay, who is awesome and lovely. I was very happy, because the half they took away was managing the Back Office, which the Cash Ofice belongs to. When Roger was transferred to another store, his place was taken by Carol. The first time I met Carol, I was sitting in the canteen talking to a colleague and she interrupted me mid-sentence to ask 'where you from?' I thought this was quite rude, but giving her the benefit of doubt I went through the tediousness of telling her I am Dutch, hearing her say she thought I was South-African, and telling her that my name was pronounced Meryl, NOT Meggggggrel. This is a reasonably normal procedure of introduction for me at work, for colleagues and customers alike. I didn't think too much of it, and was only a little bit startled by her abruptness.
That was before she snapped at me for no apparent reason. I had heard stories from full-time collleagues (I only work Saturday and Sunday mornings) about her complete lack of good manners and any semblance of humanity, but I know the people I work with so I took it all with a pinch of salt. Then, last Saturday, I came in to work extremely tired because I'd been having nightmares that kept me awake. Margaret on the desk, who used to be really strict but since the realignment thinks what all of us have always thought: Fuck *insert well-known DIY shop here*. She 'explained' this really complicated problem to me that they hadn't been able to solve, but they had, of course, tried to phone Random Lady at the Base who was unreachable. I still have no idea who she is, but apparently she knows how to solve things to do with vouchers, so fine. The problem was really complicated, I think mainly because I was tired and they didn't explain it very well. I always think, when something complicated has happened you have to explain it like the other person is an idiot because otherwise you will just confuse them, but apparently Margaret and Carol go for the other approach, which is called throw-as-much-complicated-information-at-the-tired-cash-office-girl-as-possible-in-the-hope-something-sticks. So I sort of thought I knew what had happened, but then it turned out all of this had happened on Thursday (I found this out about 3 hours later because I did my own work first and then tried to help other people, like any good Samaritan would), and not on Friday, so I could do absolutely nothing about it. When I talked to Carol and Margaret again, we decided to just do a refund on the till that was £17 short on this fake code, and to ask Random Lady at the Base when she came to visit the following week what we should do next time. So, we did the refund and I discussed with Carol how and what to do, and I asked/said, to confirm we both knew what we were doing, 'So, we should probably still talk to Random Lady at the Base next week, right?' To which she said: 'You don't have to tell me what to do, I know what my job is!!'
Now, I know I can be a bit sensitive sometimes, but I really thought that was out of line. All I did was make sure we both knew what was going to happen (even though I still had no clue what had actually happened to cause the problem), and she treated me like I had wanted to start a fight with her! To make sure, when Carol had left, I asked Margaret whether I was crazy or Carol was really rude, and she said 'Psh, that was mild for her!' So now I know my colleagues haven't been exaggerating, and that for once, their complaints about the villainous nature (can you tell I've been reading Shakespeare?) of our new manager are completely grounded in reality. I was talking to Kay, thinking 'Thank God Kay is still my line manager and not evil Carol' when she told me that since Carol was actually capable of doing her job, she was now my line manager. I have to tell you, it made my day. And not in a good way.
On Sunday, Carol asked/commanded while I was refilling the change drawer before going home, 'When you leaving?' (she never really uses verbs in questions, too much effort I guess). I was gonna say 'well, after I've done this and given someone my safe key', when she explained herself: 'when you leaving the store, cos I need to find a replacement?' I told her I wasn't sure because it depends on whether I can find a full-time job somewhere else, and I am quite busy with exams right now but I would let her know as soon as possible. She then expressed her wonder at why I needed a job somewhere else if I could fill one of her cashier jobs during the summer. I wanted to shoot her but politely said I would let her know. The last thing I want to do is become a cashier again, so I am going to try my hardest to find a job somewhere else so I don't have to put up with Carol or the annoying customers we get. I am used to the tranquility of the Cash Office now, and can completely see the appeal of a nice calm office job. I am going to be the anti-rebel; 9 to 5, here I come! And let's hope Carol stays where she is forever so I never have to see her again after I leave. Hooray for Reading!!!

EW! (and other things)

I gave in today and looked up Richard Grieco on imdb. I knew I would regret it, and I do. He looks, well, ehm, how to say this nicely.... Old. And like he's not lived very healthily. I don't know whether I will ever get this picture out of my head, and the worst thing is that he looks a little bit like Chico... and it is definitely NOT Chico time in my house. Ever. Anyways, I will get over it somehow. Little warning, tho: if you like Booker, don't look up Richard Grieco on imdb, it is not a pretty sight.
Also, it's my father birthday today! He's 44. It is quite young for a (very recent) grandfather, but the oldest my father has ever been so far, so I think he's ancient. Anyways, even though I know he does not read this, Gefeliciteerd Douwe!

You thought it was all over...

...but it isn't. Because today I learnt a valuable lesson. I learnt that a woman has to stick by her convictions and not be swayed by peer pressure (yes, I mean you, wench!), outside factors or haircuts. I learnt that looks are not everything. I learnt that, after all my doubts and changes of heart, I should have trusted my instinct.
And that instinct told me from the start that Doug Penhall is the man for me. He may be no Johnny Depp, or have the nicest haircut in the world, but today he proved to be the most perfect man I will ever find (any men wanting to disprove me are welcome). I cannot believe I let myself be swayed by Hanson's nice haircut and Booker's bad-boy attitude (the guy is a cop, how much of a bad boy can he be?), and that I strayed from the path of my true love. I have to send out a big apology to Penhall for doubting him. If the wench wants Hanson, she can have him. My heart will forever belong to Douglas Penhall, the most romantic and lovely man in the world of 80s tv.
Watch 'Come from the shadows' from series 4 of '21 Jump Street' to see what I mean. Or don't, and just believe me when I say: you would. But you are not allowed to, because he's mine.
Discussion closed. I will (try) not (to) write any more posts on the issue, because it is resolved in Penhall's favour.
Let me tell you, girls, don't let (changing) looks fool you: go for the guy you instinctly know is right. Or, you know, don't take life lessons from someone who wishes she could marry Penhall and have his little cop babies. Whatever.

I must be going insane...

...because last night I dreamt I was in my Shakespeare exam having to analyse the picture on the front of 'The Norton Shakespeare'. I did an okay job, linking it to Jaques' speech in 'As You Like It' about the seven stages of man (probably because it is about the last thing I read in my revision session yesterday). I won't bore you with the details, but somehow it worked.
I would still rather dream about Booker, though, so it's a good thing I have series 4 to watch tonight! (Well, not all of it, that would be really obsessive and tiring)

Tell-tale signs you are obsessed with '21 Jump Street'

- crying over an episode about homeless kids.
- knowing the names of all the characters and their partners.
- recognising actors that are being recycled from previous episode and knowing which part they played before.
- recognising the same pair of earrings that are worn by three different characters in three different episodes.
- being upset by the fact the producers of the show think you won't recognise the recycled actors/earrings.
- wishing you lived in the '21 Jump Street' world so you could meet Penhall, Hanson and Booker. - not looking up Richard Grieco on Imdb so you can keep a picture of him as Booker as the only version of him you'll ever know.
- being able to talk about the characters in the show as if they are real.
- dreaming you are going out with Booker, who arrests you, during sex, for using heroin. (I know, that is disturbing, isn't it?)

Maybe I should stop watching, but then again, how would I channel my exam stress? I don't really want to have disturbing dreams about Shakespeare, either...
(I took the picture from Imdb but didn't look for Richard Grieco!!)