Friday, July 06, 2007

To Explain What Has Been Going On Between My Father And I, Here Is A Correspondence Between Me And A Friend

Hey Queen Mushroom,
Just wanted to wish you the best of luck when you see your Dad tomorrow. I know it will be tough but good for you for trying one more time to make him see how you feel. That takes real guts and whatever happens you should be proud of yourself for that. Remember to keep things on your terms because you are the most important person in the equation. Hopefully, you will give him something to think about at least.
If not, and he does reject you, at least you know you have your mum's and the rest of your family's support and it's his loss if he chooses to be so short sighted that he can't see how you've matured and what a cool daughter he has. You've managed without him before and you will again because you are a much stronger and different person now.
Take truckloads of care, I shall be thinking of you, Don't forget that if he starts lecturing you, a quick kick in his willy will soon shut him up!!!!

An Awesome Friend.


Hi Awesome Friend,

thank you so much for thinking of me - unfortunately, I have bad news.
My father and I talked on the phone twice yesterday, the first time he hung up on me because I was being dramatic about unimportant things (I asked him, why, if he wanted to see me so much, he couldn't come over to Reading on Friday evening instead of making me come to London after what would have been my trial day at work. and I did so in a very calm fashion, not even a wobble in my voice, but a strong Queen Mushroom-voice). I mean, he hung up on me, what is he, twelve? So I went to my housemate's room and cried to her (I had been talking to her about my dad while we went shopping that day), then talked to my mum on the phone, who was supportive and said I should just try to forget about it, but pick up the phone if he tried to phone again in case we could still work it out.
So, when he phoned again, I thought he might be phoning to apologise or explain things and work things out, but he then fed me the 'being dramatic over unimportant things' line, and I tried to explain that obviously, it was important to me if I was making a point of it, and that I wasn't being dramatic at all. He then told me, in his best guilt-giving voice, that I had really worried him and my stepmum back in March, and that they really were worried and upset about the whole thing and that I needed to take that into account while refusing to come to London on Friday evening (by then, the trial day had been moved to Tuesday, but damned if I was going to tell him that). I was so upset by him making my depression and wish to commit suicide about himself, but I tried to explain that in no way was this about him, or even remotely 'my fault' for hurting him, and then I thought 'why even try to explain?' so I hung up on him. Two can play his game. (I then went to Catwoman's to talk to her about it)
So, I have given up. I am going to write him an email explaining I do no want to talk/email/write with him anymore, and that right now, if he doesn't leave me alone, I will just have to ignore him, for the sake of my own sanity. It hurts so much to have to do this, but right now, I see no other way out - we are never going to see each other's side (but seriously, he should be happy I'm happy again, not telling me how much I hurt him by having a depression!), and right now I will just be happier if I don't have any contact with him. So now I am going out tonight with Catwoman and the gays after all, and spending Saturday pottering about the house doing nothing. Seriously, I have given up on my dad, and that's both quite sad and very liberating. Now I just have to write him that email...
Love,

Queen Mushroom.

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