Denial Is A River In Egypt

One morning, the Pretty Girl woke up feeling full of happiness and laughter. She jumped out of bed, put on her prettiest dress and nicest shoes, and decided to ignore the piles of work that made it hard for her to see the floor of her Dowdy Little Hut. The Pretty Girl opened the door of her Dowdy Little Hut and looked at the world outside. She saw a big green meadow filled with fragrant and colourful flowers, basking in the warmth of the sun. Among the flowers and grass rabbits and squirrels were hopping about, and the Pretty Girl could not contain herself. She jumped out of her Dowdy Little Hut, and found as soon as she left it, the Dowdy Little Hut disappeared. All she could see was the meadow, warm and sunny, all around her. She heard the faint noises of a magical tune seducing her unto dance and song, and she kicked of her shoes to follow it.
As the squirrels and rabbits played amongst the flowers, the Pretty Girl danced and sang through the meadow until all the sorrows of the Mundane World and the Dowdy Little Hut were distant memories, like the vague remembrance of something that has once happened to a best friend's aunt.

Word Of The Day

The word of the day today is:

wife-icidal

I read it in an article on fairy tales my tutor made me read, so it's a proper word!

The Brave Maiden And The Photocopier

Once upon a time not too long ago, in a place quite close by, a beautiful Brave Maiden went on a quest. She needed to pick up and photocopy an article for her Theory of Children's Literature class, so at nine o'clock in the morning, after a hearty breakfast, she set out on her journey. For a while everything was going very well and the Maiden was happy with her day. Then she got to the Kingdom of Literature and had to fight her way through thornbushes and brambles to get to the Fount of Knowledge. When she finally got there, she signed the sign-out paper and fought her way through the brambles once again to get to the Place of Duplication. When she got there, without proper knowledge of the proper procedure for approaching the Amazing Duplicator, she sought one of that gate keepers who was not very friendly to her and made her feel more lost than ever before.
But the Maiden did not despair or cry like other, less brave, maidens may have done; instead, she sought out a nicer-looking gate keeper. The Friendly Gate-Keeper looked at her, listened to her quest and said: 'Dear Brave Maiden, your quest will be difficult and perilous. Before you can go to the Amazing Duplicator, you will have to Pay Me to receive the Key of All Goodness. Once you have the Key of All Goodness, you must find the Door of All Goodness and open it with the Key, The door will then lead you to the Amazing Duplicator, but make sure you choose the right one because there are few Duplicators who will let you make double-sided Duplications. Choose well and you will be rewarded. Choose badly and you will be punished.' The Maiden paid the Friendly Gate-Keeper, received her key and went up the Mount of Knowledge, to find the Door of All Goodness. She gave him her Key, and he spoke: 'Brave Maiden, to achieve the goal of your quest you will have to go down the Mount of Knowledge, past the Friendly Gate-Keeper, and into the Area of Short-Lived Joy. When you get there, the Amazing Duplicator will help you.'
The Brave Maiden thanked the Door of All Goodness, but although she thought he had been helpful, he had not told her that the Amazing Duplicator and the Door of All Goodness were sworn enemies. So when the Brave Maiden came to the Amazing Duplicator, he rejected her fiercely: 'Go away you puny little girl!!! I will not obey that damn Door of All Rubbishness!!!' (The Amazing Duplicator, although good at Duplicating, wasn't very good at insults.)
The Brave Maiden almost thought her quest was thwarted by the Amazing Duplicator's unwillingness to help her, but then she remembered the Friendly Gate-Keeper. She went back to her friend and asked for help. The Friendly Gate-Keeper told her how to deal with the Amazing Duplicator and how he liked to be payed rather than form alliances with the Doors of Goodness. She then sounded her horn and in rode a Handsome Knight on his White Horse.
The Handsome Knight told the Maiden he could help her with the Amazing Duplicator because of his Magical Skills.
When they got to the Amazing Duplicator, the Brave Maiden inserted her coins into the slot and watched the Handsome Knight as he used his Magic to make the Duplicator do exactly what she wanted it to do. The Brave Maiden paid a lot of attention to the Handsome Knight's Magic. As the Handsome Knight rode away, the Brave Maiden realised he had not actually made the Duplicator do exactly what she wanted, so she imitated the Handsome Knight's Magic and found she could master the Amazing Duplicator quite well.
Of course, the Brave Maiden was punished for her smugness, when the Duplicator refused to Duplicate her last page. One of the Grumpy Gate-Keepers sounded her horn and out came the Old Wizard who made the Duplicator work again, although the Brave Maiden did have to Pay More Money to the Amazing Duplicator to get her last page.
After she had all her pages gathered together, the Brave Maiden brought back the original article to the Kingdom of Literature, in which she knew her way quite well now, and began her long journey home.

Dear Brave Maidens,
We can learn from this tale not to rely on Handsome Knights on White Horses. They may promise Beauty and Happiness, but do not be foiled by their charms! Be brave, observe the world around you and do not despair, and you will find happiness! Do not reject Handsome Knights altogether, but be careful not to become dependent on them.

I Am Insanely Happy

Early last week, I was walking around in Reading trying to find Baby Bio (I didn't find it and although I have it now I think my rose has sort of died), and I was feeling a bit strange. I'd been feeling a bit strange for a few days and all of a sudden it hit me: I was happy. Not that I have been miserable for the last 22 years, but last week I realised that for the first time in a long time, I was genuinely happy. Happy with myself, my life, my friends, and my relationship with my parents.
I was going to write something about it but didn't have a chance as I had classes and then went birthday shopping in Brum (not telling you how much I spent in Primark but it was a personal record) with Leni on Thursday, and then I spent the weekend in Cov. I stayed over at a friend's house for the weekend, but I also went and saw the Wench in her new (and lovely) room. The friend I stayed with is a guy I have known for little over two years. We used to work together on the Information Desk at the DIY store, and when he left for Hamburg last summer we stayed in contact through msn and became really good friends. This summer he came back to the UK and he's now in Cov doing the last year of his degree.
While we were talking on msn I slowly grew to fancy him, but I didn't think it was that serious because we only really became friends on msn, and I wasn't sure whether I was just feeling lonely or something else. When I saw him for a barbecue earlier this summer I realised he was the nice guy I thought he was from msn, but wasn't quite sure whether I really fancied him. So, on Thursday I was quite nervous to see what would happen, as I didn't want to mess up the awesome friendship we have.
A soon as I saw him on Thursday evening, however, I knew that all the feelings I had for him were real, and I sort of thought he felt the same about me, but I wasn't sure...
On Friday evening we went out (and on Saturday I realised why I do not drink alcohol, it gives me ridiculous stomach aches), and when we got home we started talking and, well, things happened (no, not like that, get your mind out of the gutter!! We just kissed!) and now Mr. G and I are happily coupled up. As the Wench can confirm, I have not been able to wipe the grin off my face all weekend, and I don't think it is going to leave for a while yet.

The Need For A Man: A Play In One Act

The time is half past 8 in the evening. In a reasonably small community kitchen of a university house stands a young woman with a frying pan in one hand, a partially eaten apple in the other. She puts the frying pan on the front left hob of the electric cooker (stage right), turns the hob to the highest setting and walks to the sink (stage left). She opens the cupboard above the sink and takes out a used, but nearly full, bottle of olive oil, opens it and pours some of the oil in the pan, after which she closes the bottle and puts it back in the cupboard. She takes a bite out of her apple and walks to the fridge (stage right, behind the cooker) out of which she takes something wrapped in aluminium foil. She unwraps the foil and puts a hamburger in the pan with oil, which has now heated up. Throughout all this the young woman keeps eating her apple, until it is finished. She throws away the foil and the apple core, and walks to the sink to wash her hands. She notices some crockery and cutlery that is standing next to the sink, checks that it is dry and proceeds to put the things in the cupboard above the sink, but leaves a yellow plate standing in the drying rack.
When she is done, the young woman takes the plate and puts it on the work surface (front of stage, so that when the young woman uses it she faces the audience). She takes out a cucumber and a sharp knife from the cupboard above the sink, cuts the cucumber in half on the plate, puts the rest back in the cupboard and peels and dices the cucumber halve. She realises something, walks to the electric cooker and turns over the hamburger. She returns to the work surface, then moves to the cupboard, takes out the rest of the cucumber and peels and dices it, until the entire cucumber is cut up on one half of her plate. She walks to the fridge and takes out two containers. She opens the plastic wrapping of one and takes out 5 cherry tomatoes on the vine. She washes them, cuts them into parts and places these on top of the cucumber. She then opens the other container and puts all the cold (but cooked) green beans in the container on the tomatoes and cucumber. She puts the empty green beans' container next to the sink, then puts the rest of the tomatoes, still in the container, back in the fridge. She takes out a small jar and puts it next to the plate. She remembers something, turns down the heat on the hamburger, then walks to the cupboard, takes out two slices of bread and puts them in the toaster (on top of the fridge).
She walks back to the work surface, picks up the jar and tries to open it. It will not open. She tries one more time, but the jar won't budge. She shrugs her shoulders, walks to the fridge and takes out a jar of mayonnaise, and takes the slices of bread, that are now done, from the toaster, then puts the bread on the plate and the jar of mayonnaise on the work surface. She walks to the cupboard and takes out a jar of mustard. She spreads mustard on one of the slices, then mayonnaise on the other. She puts back the mustard, then the mayonnaise, turns off the heat on the hamburger and puts it on one of the slices of bread. She then puts the other one on top of the hamburger, and walks off (stage right).
When the young woman comes back, she is carrying a paper towel and has a determined look on her face. She wraps the paper towel around the jar and tries to open it again. She fails. She tries again. The jar simply will not open. As she keeps on trying, removing the paper towel after three tries and trying a few more times with her bare hands, the young woman becomes more and more desperate. Slowly, tears begin to trickle down her face. She becomes more and more pathetic-looking, but is still determined to open the jar.
Finally, she realises she cannot open the jar and she breaks down. She throws the jar on the floor, where it breaks in a million dressing-covered pieces, and sinks down on the floor next to it. As she tries to scoop up the bits of glass in an effort to save her dressing, she realises what she is doing and breaks down in hysteric sobs. The young woman is now half sitting, half lying on the floor, crying and bleeding from the shards of glass stuck in her hands. Finally, she manages to sit up. She looks at her ruined jar of dressing and cries out (still sobbing, but trying to suppress it):

Where's my God-damn Prince Charming?

Lights fade until stage is completely black and silent.

[disclaimer: this is fiction, people! I am not having a crisis of any sort]