Why I Couldn't Be A Hermit

I haven't been around people for quite a while now (since Tuesday night), and I can really feel the effects. I need some structure, I need some human contact! I have obviously not been all alone, but I haven't been with any of my friends, either, and I'm really not feeling happy. I mean, I can cope, I am doing much better than when I had my depression, but this is just wrong.
The Catwoman and her housemates are coming back from Glastonbury today, but they will be tired and probably not in the mood for company, so I have at least another day or two to go on my own. I know I cannot work when I am in a mood like this, nothing really helps, I just need to get through it I guess. Eurgh.

Five Things You Don't Know About Me

Whenever I read lists on other people's blogs, I have an almost uncontrollable urge to join in the list-making fun. It's the same urge I get when someone puts a questionnaire in front of me: I simple have to fill it out. It's a sad thing for the telemarketing people that I have no landline phone... In any case, the most intriguing list I want to join in on is the '10 things you don't know about me' ones. Problem is, there isn't much people who know me do not know about me. I talk a lot, and I have almost no secrets from anyone (and the ones I do have, I certainly have no intention of putting on the internet), and so a list of 10 (TEN!!!!) things my friends might not know about me is a really, really (REALLY) tough task for me.

So how about a list of 5 secrets? I have been thinking about this for a very long time (ever since I saw one of those lists on someone else's blog), and even 5 secrets is way too hard for me to do. Apart from the fact that my mother reads this blog, and she knows almost more about me than I do myself, I just am not a person to keep secrets from anyone. Even when other people tell me their secrets, there is a big chance I will tell someone. In my defence, it is always someone who either doesn't know the person involved or will never meet them, but still - if you want someone to be your secret keeper, it had better not be me. (Though I do love hearing your secrets - as long as you're okay with some complete stranger knowing them, too)

But I still want to make a list. So I came up with a list-category of my own: 5 Things You Probably Know About Me But Only I (And Some Other People Very Close To Me) Am Allowed To Make Fun Of. So, basically, it's a list of things I think are odd about me, but fun enough to blog about. Feel free to make suggestions for better lists, or to not read any lists I ever post, or to tell me to stop writing lists and get back to Awesome Lady, dammit!!* So, here goes:

5 Things You Probably Know About Me But Only I (And Some Other People Very Close To Me) Am Allowed To Make Fun Of

1. I have the tendency to get infatuations with 2-Dimensional characters. And I am very loyal - some of these, I have been 'in love' with since I was a very little girl, and they will never be evicted from that special place in my heart. Examples: Lucky Luke, The leader of the Biker Mice From Mars, Vegeta and Piccolo from Dragonball Z. (On a side note, apparently, people (don't ask me who) are using the Simpsons to teach kids about Christian values - weird much?)
2. I have been afraid of the underwater and anything that lives in it since I can remember, and although I can now watch about 5 minutes of underwater documentaries, I don't think I will ever manage Jaws (or even March of the Penguins). This fear is so profound that I can be in the shower after having seen something sub-aqua-ish (real word!) on TV, and have to keep looking behind the shower curtain to see if there are any sharks, etc, swimming in the bathroom. Do not, under any circumstances, take me to an aquarium, not even if I foolishly volunteer to go. (Unless there are Manatees in the aquarium - more on that later)
3. I love the beach. Absolutely LOVE it. But only really if it is raining, cold and miserable. I mean, I can spend time on the beach when it is sunny and warm, but I won't have as good a time as when it is, say, so cold you have to wear at least three coats and 2 pairs of gloves. Rain is a must. Drizzle is an acceptable substitute.
4. I do not like to walk, unless in very rare circumstances. Most people think I am just plain lazy or stubborn, but walking really hurts my legs and feet (as does standing still for more than 5 minutes). Shopping, although I like it, is torture for my legs, and the only reason I hate going to museums is because the slow walking with many, many pauses to stand in front of something you like looking at, kills my legs. Seriously, the day after I've been shopping or in a museum (and trust me, I do like museums in theory - I just wish they could wheel the things past me as I sit in a nice chair) is almost always spent doing as little walking, and as much lying down and sitting as possible. Walking with a purpose is different (I don't mind walking into town, for example), but aimlessly wandering, or even hiking in nature, is not on.
5. And, finally, I love Manatees. They rule. The Zoo in Amsterdam does not have them anymore. When I was in the Zoo in London I didn't see any. Where are the Manatees???

*I have got some ideas, but my creative juices are a bit dried out at the moment - sorry!

Wuckfit

In case you hadn't yet gathered this, my relationship with my father is an extremely difficult one. He basically does and says whatever he wants, and I get upset by him. At least, that's how it has always been. I have been working really hard on growing away from the idea that I need to depend on my parents, and while my mother has been extremely helpful in this process, my father has been less than useless. I was told by a friend that I cannot change him, only how I react to him, and I realised myself that I cannot simultaneously want him to change and for him to stop wanting to change me. Today was a bit of a test for these theories that I am trying to live my life by, as my father phoned me to talk about what we were doing when he comes to the UK in two weeks.
Now you might be thinking he is coming to the UK to visit his only daughter, but there you would be wrong. He has some work stuff to do, and I am summoned to come for some 'quality' father-daughter time.* So I am happy to come see him, as he is my father and quite a nice one when he wants to be, but am also quite nervous about implementing the new 'father-method'.
When he phoned me today, we talked a bit about my job interview and what I plan to do with my life in the next few months (there was very little butting-in on his side, which is always a nice surprise), and then we agreed to meet on the Saturday morning at his hotel. The initial plan was to meet up Friday night, but he had since made plans for that evening, so I would just spend the weekend with him. Or so I thought.
I was already a bit suspicious when he said my stepmother would be there too (although I am not really complaining; it is their anniversary weekend after all), and that I could stay in his hotel room (they would stay with friends that night anyways) if I wanted to spend my Sunday exploring London. Ah, the predictability of an unpredictable father...
When we had stopped talking (which was quite soon, I guess he had other things to do) I read the email he said he'd sent me earlier in the day, and it all became clear. Apparently, he is spending Saturday evening and all of Sunday with my stepmother, but we can have tea together on Saturday. Well, woohoo.
I am really trying not to be upset about this, and I am succeeding only because I am venting my bitterness here. I'm sorry. I am dealing with it better than I ever have before, but it is still a disappointment to have a father who is so obviously oblivious to the hurt he causes in his family.



*Please don't mind the bitter tone of this post - I need to get it out of my system, and no one is picking up their phones.

Such A Let-Down

I have been sorted out by my German housemate (no, nothing exciting I'm afraid): I now have legal internet! And also know that one of them definitely isn't gay. Sigh, such a disappointment...

It Is With Regret That I Inform You About The Passing Away Of My Stolen Internet Connection

Yes, yes, yes, I know I haven't been updating very much, and certainly not with anything interesting, but I have no internet and sitting in the IT centre makes me want to leave AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, it makes me uncomfortable.
Good news is that I am feeling very content with my life and myself, everything has finally fallen into place and now I just need to sort out the practicalities of my life. I had my last counselling session today, and my first job interview yesterday! I will know next week if I am going to be a full-time receptionist for a translating company, something that sounds like quite a lot of fun to me, and if it's now, I can always look for another job!
I don't know how things are with my course right now, I have had a meeting about my essay (STILL not done) and have some things sorted out, but I don't know whether the university will accept my lack of being able to work. I should be on the right track now, though, so I'll keep you posted (sort of...).
More good news: I have enough money to pay my rent!! BIG CHEER!! Gonna go off and pay it as soon as I am finished in here! Now for a job so I can buy food and pay off my (not very big) debts.

I Am A SIlly Person

I've just cancelled my bi-weekly organic vegetable box because I really cannot afford it anymore, and when my account was closed, I felt a wave of sadness... Weird.
Tomorrow the jobhunt starts, so wish me luck. First a job, then a house... It's going to be hard being a proper adult!

Back In The USSR

Hello peoples,

I'M BACK!!!!!!!

and extremely tired... not gonna post much today. Might go see POTC 3 if I can manage to walk into town.

I am going to try to post more stories and Awesome Lady episodes, so just have patience and I will write something again soon.

Love to all of you,

Q. M.

Ridiculous

It is the 11th of June and no June-posts have been posted yet on this here blog! Sorry, I do have loads to tell you but I am having too much fun right now to do any writing. See you soon, peoples.